


Lost

by LadyFrost (orphan_account)



Series: Stucky One Shots [6]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Memory Loss, Post CA:TWS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-12
Updated: 2014-12-12
Packaged: 2018-03-01 04:55:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2760371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/LadyFrost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky has no memories of his past with Steve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost

**Author's Note:**

> This one will get a second part eventually, but for now it will stay like this. It's a bit sad, sorry for that!

Finally.

Steve would finally be allowed to see Bucky again. He hadn't been allowed to see him in over two months and it was slowly eating away on him. Not that Bucky had known who he, Steve, was, but that didn't matter. Not one bit.

All Steve had wanted was to see the other man, to help him recovering. Eventually Bruce, who had been taking care of Bucky, had told Steve that he could no longer see Bucky every day. He had said that all the memories Bucky had of him were upsetting him too much to help him heal. It hadn't been easy, not at all, but Steve had known that Bruce only wanted to help and that he knew what he was doing, so he had agreed.

"Cap?"

Natasha's voice pulled him out of his reverie and he got to his feet when she held a hand out towards him. Her fingers were cool and curled around his in a reassuring way.

She knew. She knew everything because Steve had confided in her. He'd had to tell someone what was going on inside of him and over time Natasha had become a close friend.

"You alright?"

He nodded curtly and took a deep breath, causing her to smile.

"You're such a terrible liar Rogers."

"I know... I am just-"

"What?"

She stopped in her tracks and looked up at him.

"I am afraid. What if he still doesn't remember? Or if he doesn't _want_ to?"

"Why wouldn't he want to remember you?"

Steve shrugged and avoided to look at her, trying to prevent her from reading too much in his eyes.

"Oh Rogers. Don't be so silly. I am sure he remembers bits and pieces and he'll be happy to have his best buddy back again."

Yeah ... Right. Maybe what she said was right. He would have to see Bucky anyways.

Natasha grabbed his hand again and pulled him down the hallway until they stopped in front of Bucky's door.

"Now go and get him back, alright?"

Steve nodded as she pushed the door open, "Yeah."

Natasha squeezed his hand one last time and then pushed him into the room, closing the door behind him again.

-

It was silent inside the room and Steve looked everywhere but at Bucky. His pulse was racing and he wanted to calm down at least a tiny little bit before he talked to him. Then he heard the other man shift around and faced him.

Bucky sat there, his hands folded in his lap and his blue gaze steadily fixed on Steve. There was the slightest frown on his face and Steve desperately searched for the smallest hint of recognition on the other's face.

Just ... There was none.

"Hey Bucky."

Steve took a step towards him, but stopped again when Bucky crossed his arms in front of his chest, suddenly looking all defensive.

"Sorry..." It was only a small whisper, but hearing Bucky's voice – hearing that unfamilier tone in it – shattered Steve's heart to pieces.

"Can I come over?"  
Bucky nodded his head once and Steve walked over to where he sat, sitting down opposite from him.

They sat in silence for a while and Steve tried hard not to stare at Bucky too much. He also had to bite his tongue or otherwise all the unsaid things would've spilled out of him. Everything he had wanted to tell Bucky ever since he'd learned that he was alive. Now Steve knew that he probably would never be able to tell him without disturbing the other man. Except – and that maybe was only wishful thinking – Bucky remembered him one day.

He would wait. Steve would wait for as long as it took him to remember their past, no matter how long it would take.

Bucky took a deep, shuddering breath and Steve glanced over at him.

"They told me who you are and I know that I should be able to remember you. I _know_. It just – I don't know how to put it – it's all so confusing and it's like it is hidden behind a veil. I just can't bring myself to remember what part you had in my life."

His voice broke and Steve wanted nothing more than to reach out and comfort him, but he knew that it wouldn't be the right thing to do.

"It's alright. Take your time."

Bucky shook his head, his hands now balled into fists and there were tears in his eyes.

"You don't understand. When I look at you, there's something stirring inside of me and I desperately want to know what that feeling is, but I can't figure it out. It's like the memories I had of you, the things and moments we shared – it's like it has all been wiped away."

A bitter laugh left his mouth and he rubbed his eyes with one hand, before he looked Steve in the eyes again, "Actually that's what happened. They wiped it all away. Every last bit of you has been taken from me and trying to remember is killing me on the inside. It hurts. It's like someone tries to rip my heart out and all I want to do is scream, because I _need to know_. Something that awakens this kind of feelings in me must be important. It just doesn't happen..."

Steve was speechless. He had not the slightest idea how to respond to what Bucky had just said. Bucky was watching him, his eyes still bright with unshed tears and it made Steve's heart clench in return.

" _Who are you_?"

Bucky's whisper cut through the silence like a knife. Steve held up his hands, feeling endlessly helpless in that situation.

"I know your name. I know that you are Captain America. I know I was supposed to kill you, but that has been an order from Hydra, so it's not essential to me. What I want to know is who you are. Who were you in my past? What did we share?"

Steve despised himself for sounding so chocked up when he spoke.

"Everything. You told me I were your everything and you were mine. You were everything I needed and the only thing I had when I lost everything else."

He saw a tear running down Bucky's cheek and had to bite back a sob. He was feeling so wound up and his emotions were going haywire.

"You loved me... and I loved you...?"

Steve shook his head, one corner of his mouth curling up in a sad smile.

"I _love_ you."

 


End file.
